Positive thinking

As of this week, I'm a month into my exercise routine and lately (aside from the loneliness, I guess), I've been feeling better. I think it's all the new-found energy and also being able to see my body change. Right now, I'm wearing my favorite shirt and a month ago, I wouldn't even wear it outside the house because it was too tight on me.

As much as I'd like the changes to happen a bit more drastically than they are, I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm:

1. Not doing this temporarily; I'm changing my lifestyle
2. only a month into it and have had noticeable changes and
3. A LOT healthier than I was a month ago

I think the hardest part of this change was even before I started exercising. I had to wean myself off of soda (would have 2 cans of coke a day), fast food (twice a week), and going out to eat (3-4 times a week) and really start being mindful of what I'm eating and what's inside the food that can fuel me. The funny part about keeping a food diary is that when I'm thinking about eating something, I think about if it's worth the effort of looking it up and putting it in my food journal. If it's not, then I don't eat it. It really helps cut down on mindless snacking, especially at work!

I also spend a lot less money on food these days, which is excellent. I used to have a hard time with budgeting because I'd cook once or twice a week and spend A LOT of money on those two really good meals (ah, the perks of being a cook) then still spend $25-$30 a day on going out to eat. Don't ever let anyone tell you it costs more to eat in! My guidelines are:

1. Try to prepare every meal of the day
2. Buy in bulk and cross-utilize!
3. If you have to make a lot of something, make sure it'll last through the week or that it can be frozen and used for a future meal
4. Buy local and in-season! Farmer's markets are SO much cheaper than going to the grocery store and because all the food comes directly from the growers, it's more fresh and therefore contains more nutrients
5. Buy meats from a local butcher. Same reason as above. Prices are much lower and meat is fresher. The mom and pop butcher in my neighborhood usually has a 7 meats for $37 deal every week.

The second hardest part is finding the energy to work out. I think this just comes with knowledge and listening to my body. Because sometimes I just think I'm tired because I'm not eating well, not eating enough, or am just being sluggish. And sometimes I am really just tired. When I get home from work and I'm exhausted, I tell myself that I'm going to work out for an hour and then see if I'm still tired after. It also helps with the boredom and loneliness. For the past week and a half, I've been adding an extra half hour of workouts to my routine. I figure I usually spend my time online doing nothing anyway, so why not spend an extra half hour working out?

So I'm just trying to keep motivated and positive in hopes that I don't end up sleeping and feeling sorry for myself all the time.

twenty

Up until this point in my life, I never ever thought I'd be saying this, but I think I actually miss being 20 years old.

At the time, I absolutely hated it. It was the first time in my entire life that I'd finally started to understand who I really was. I was also in the middle of what (I thought) was expected of me and what I actually wanted. Most people have a hard time finding both of those things. I had a hard time finding what I wanted to do with the information.

At the same time, I was dealing with trying to get over my first real broken heart. Most of the time, I really don't like to think about it but I suppose if it never happened, I don't think I'd look back at that point in my life and really miss it.

In my desperation, I could never stand to be alone. I made friends. I went out too much. I didn't take things too seriously. I tried to make it impossible to let myself be alone long enough to start thinking. I even caught my first whiff of independence when I planned, booked, and went on my first non-family vacation with my best friend at the time.


I did so many things back then that was just so destructive. It amazes me how much growing I did in such a short time, but when I think of how childish I became before I started learning, I guess it makes more sense. I tell myself that I'd never go back to that again, but it comes out from time to time and I think mostly because I start to forget to think about what I really have going for me.

I didn't back then and that's the stupidest mistake I ever made.

I had friends that would bend over backwards for me to make sure I never felt alone. People that I really could depend on whenever I needed them and for whatever reason. I can't believe I was so obsessed with why boys I didn't actually care about didn't like me when I had so many important people in my life that did.

That's what I miss the most. Having friends. Texting one person at 11pm on a weeknight and having at least four people show up to your favorite spot to hang out with you through late night happy hours. I had nothing to worry about back then, yet I felt the need to worry about everything. I really wish I wasn't so stupid.